The debate surrounding my article Why Cold Approaching is Pretty Much Useless rages on. Everybody who criticized my position either hadn't read the article, or did lack real world experience. A particularly interesting encounter happened yesterday, when someone sent me angry messages on facebook. I got the impression that he simply lacks sexual experience and for psychological reasons defends a theory he has bought into which hasn't helped him much in scoring girls. I was in a somewhat confrontational mood, so I kept asking him about his "count". Of course, he evaded this question and stuck to his theories.
One of my readers, John Graham, left a great comment on my blog the other day which illustrates perfectly what the problem with cold approaching is. Since the comment thread of the original post is at around 130 already, I decided to republish it on the front page.
Here's John Graham, telling you about his experiences with cold approaching. Enjoy!
Aaron, another good article!
Cold approaching is indeed a waste of time. Allow me to qualify :
I like to meet girls during the day, as clubs don't really do it for me. Prior to attempting 'cold approach' methods, I would go out for an hour or two, browse some shops, maybe purchase a book or something, and keep an eye out for a girl who met the following criteria :-
1. Not in a big group of girls. Alone, or perhaps with just one friend.
2. Not caked in makeup, or carrying one of those tacky handbags with a 'gold' chain for a strap. Usually a gold digger.
3. My type in terms of looks i.e, shorter, mediterranean or asian (preferably slightly 'bookish'. Smart girls are beautiful too, dontcha know?).
4. In an environment conducive to opening i.e. bookshop, quiet coffee shop.
5. In a context that gave me a reason to talk to her, even if it's just asking if a seat at the table is taken.
To hardcore MM technique practicing alpha males such as our friend CDG, this will all seem terribly lame and 'beta'. But guess what? Out of every
4 or so girls I spoke to, I got a number, followed by a date, followed by sex, and sometimes followed by a relationship. That's a 25% hit ratio, all for a couple of hours spent enjoying myself in the centre of London. All of these girls were charming, kind, and didn't mess me around one bit. If I texted, they texted back. If I rang, they answered or called back. If we arranged to meet, they turned up, on time, well presented, and weren't carrying a single piece of emotional baggage to unload on me.
Having had some success with this approach, I chose to up my game, and try some cold approaches, at the behest of a friend of mine who had been following Rob Judge. We went and did it exactly as per the instructions in the e-book (I confess to skimming over, as it was dull, not that well written, and repetitive). Over a period of 2 x months I approached 100 or so girls (all hot), on the street, nothing indirect about it at all. Here is what I experienced.
1. 90% + of the girls responded in a friendly manner. The remaining 10+ brushed me off as quickly as they could. Noone was rude or abusive.
2. All the girls who didn't brush me off loved the compliments and attention etc.
3. 95% of the girls told me they had a boyfriend and made their excuses.
4. Of the 5 numbers I got, 2 never replied.
5. Of the 3 girls that replied, 2 came on a date with me.
6. Of the 2 girls I dated, neither would let me kiss them.
Big fucking victory for direct approach there then. ¬_¬
So my ratio of 25% lay rate, using my own personality, and selecting the most suitable girls in the most ideal situations, dropped to 0% kiss rate using direct approaching. I should point out that I'm not a bad looking guy, just under 6 feet, with good physique, I'm intelligent, with good hobbies and a gift for really good conversation when the mood takes me. In other words, I really have nothing to complain about compared to a lot of the guys into PU.